Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
