He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
