Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
