when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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