i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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