chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
