dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
