I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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