just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
