i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
