Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
