HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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