weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
