Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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