At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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