i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
