WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
