Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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