Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
