and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Terrible idea I love it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize