im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
