some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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