...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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