Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
