Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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