i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize