I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
