he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
