Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
