I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
