We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
