well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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