Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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