So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
