maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
