When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize