I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
