i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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