Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I touched a dick in church today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
