I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
