you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
