hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
