i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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