i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
