I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
