once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
