We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
