Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
