i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
