What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize