Midget sex pt 2 tonight
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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