yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
