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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
