insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
