you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize