Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
