How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize