I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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