I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
