How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
