with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
