You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
