Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
