Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
