Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
