You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
