good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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