I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
