Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
someone owes me an orgasm
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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