4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
