Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
