Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize