All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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