Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
