ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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