"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
