I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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