no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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