If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
