I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
