I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize