this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
