Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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