This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
