i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
