You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
