Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
