cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
