I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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