What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
