I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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