I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
