my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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