That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
