When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
