"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize