I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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