i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
