Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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