i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
