so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
