And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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