I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
