Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
