Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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