That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
