took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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