mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
