We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
