Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize