There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who died my cat blue again?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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