Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
