ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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