he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love you.
Bad choice
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