girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
