I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize