And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize